her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
