i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
