Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
