also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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