You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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