if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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