Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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