that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
