Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
