I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
