I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
