You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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