Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
