A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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