So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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