it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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