I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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