Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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