no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
