I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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