covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
