the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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