A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Enjoy the penises
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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