So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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