I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
