My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
