Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
