I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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