Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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