mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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