ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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