i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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