I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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