In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
