Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
