New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
