I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
