3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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