it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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