Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
