I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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