I think I died a long time ago.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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