I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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