Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
