guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
