Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
