i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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