are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
