True but thats because hes a fetus.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
