Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
