Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
