we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
