Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
