Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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