I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
