You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
