I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
