If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
