I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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